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About Deviant Member LeighannFemale/United Kingdom Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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I remember the day you started talking to me again,
we had been close before, you were my first relationship,
but after an unfortunate miscommunication,
it kind of went downhill from there,
before I called you my Saviour

i remember my life was Tough,
and it started with a question as simple as “you alright?”
you never believed me when I said yes,
and being annoying and persistent as you were, you earned my trust,
before i called you my saviour,

you told me holding it in wasn’t good,
that it would just bring more pain,
you offered me your shoulder and your advice,
you became my friend in that french class,
before i called you my saviour.

you let me into your Life and your heart,
you lead me to Love and compassion,
you showed me that friendship could be two-sided,
you proved me that you could be trusted,
before i called you my saviour.

it wasn’t long until you called me your best friend,
and it wasn’t long until i realised you were Mine,
you shared with me, your secrets and your fears,
you taught me it was better to share,
as you started to become my saviour.

you let me open up and show my flaws,
you accepted me with my problems,
you believed I could be better,
you allowed me to push you away and pull you in again.
as you Started to become my Saviour.

i shared my secrets and You saw my past,
you realised why i was guarded and afraid,
you saw my scars and discovered my fears,
you told me it was Okay to cry,
as you became my saviour.

i hid my darkest part from you,
i remember the day i let go,
the day i finally let you in.
you held me tight as i cried on the bottom of that slide,
that was the day yoU became my saviour.

i could never thank you enough for what you did for me,
the love you showed me,
the friendship you shared,
and i’m sorry i threw it back in your face,
i’m sorry my mind twisted your actions and that it was all just a Joke to her,
i’m sorry i couldn’t understand your reasons and that i couldn’t fight for yOu to stay,
i’m sorry i let you hurt me that much and i’m Sorry i let you go,
i’m sorry that I never tried harder to forgive you, and that i neVer said sorry myself
i’m sorry that i convinced mySelf it was better this way and i’m sorry that you believed it too,
i’m sorry that I still miss you and that i can’t tell you that,
i’m sorry that i let you lose me, and even more, that i lost you,
i’m sorry that we said goodbyE and that i can’t say hello now,
and most of all,
i’m sorry i never gave you a reason to forgive me.
13 - Our First Chapter
It feels right to have you in my life and it feels better to be in yours.




I wrote this a while ago, and though circumstances have changed, this poem still feels raw for me.
Loading...
I was looking back at all my poems and my journal entries, and well some are expressive and others are not I realised they all had one thing in common. They were ignorant. I was ignorant. I realised how selfish I was. I had friends I constantly pushed aside (One in particular, and I hope he knows who he is). I complained I had no friends, to my friends who were always there! Without a doubt, they would drop everything and be by my side, especially when I told them I din't need them, but they knew better. And even if they were in a different country, and I was going though a particularly tough time, they would write me a poem.  Because that's all they could do at that point, and it was all I needed. I don't even know if I thanked him for that. Some would message me and not even complain when I took weeks to reply because I was too busy wallowing and being too self-involved to pay attention to anyone else. I liked to act selfless and kind but it's about time I stepped off my high horse and took a good look at myself.

I feel like I have lost them and I feel like I have deserved to. They deserves better than me and I'm surprised they stuck around for so long. I don't want this to sound petty or pathetic or like I'm looking for sympathy, because I'm not. This is me swallowing my pride and admitting this was my fault. I did them wrong and I'm sorry.
  • Mood: Regretful
  • Drinking: Tuppa Tea
I was looking back at all my poems and my journal entries, and well some are expressive and others are not I realised they all had one thing in common. They were ignorant. I was ignorant. I realised how selfish I was. I had friends I constantly pushed aside (One in particular, and I hope he knows who he is). I complained I had no friends, to my friends who were always there! Without a doubt, they would drop everything and be by my side, especially when I told them I didn't need them, but they knew better. And even if they were in a different country, and I was going though a particularly tough time, they would write me a poem.  Because that's all they could do at that point, and it was all I needed. I don't even know if I thanked him for that.
Some would message me and not even complain when I took weeks to reply because I was too busy wallowing and being too self-involved to pay attention to anyone else. I liked to act selfless and kind but it's about time I stepped off my high horse and took a good look at myself.

I feel like I have lost them and I feel like I have deserved to. They deserves better than me and I'm surprised they stuck around for so long. I don't want this to sound petty or pathetic or like I'm looking for sympathy, because I'm not. This is me swallowing my pride and admitting this was my fault. I did them wrong and I'm sorry.
  • Mood: Regretful
  • Drinking: Tuppa Tea
there are so many things i want to tell you,
so many things i keep inside,
i may be out of order and completely out of place,
but my heart still aches when i think of what you’ve done,
and what you should have done instead.

i know it wasn’t Easy to have somebody like me,
i’m messed up and i mess up,
it must be hard to have tried to fix me,
before you even realised i was broken,
and there are things i should have done instead.

i believe you did the best you thought you could,
but i wonder if you eVer considered trying harder?
did you ever think to you may be doing it wrong?
i know you saw the damaged goods that i became,
did you ever stop to think and look a little closer?

the punishments you dished out,
were often more than i could take,
the words you failed to say,
and the feelings you failed to Express,
lead me down a lonely road of self-hate.

i broke right in front of you,
i wanted you to see the scars i made myself,
did you Not notice, or did you just ignore?
though i never want you to blame yourself,
the fault might still be yours.

why didn’t you protect me?
why were you always absent even when you were there?
you should have hugged me and you should have held me,
you should have loved me,
you shouldn’t have hurt me.

my soul was never whole with yOu,
and i couldn’t trust my dark heart,
you let me make it empty and cold,
and caused more heartache that even i did not see,
i hurt people because i didn’t know what else there was to do.

i'm sorry, for the Way i turned out: a mess and a disaster
i'm sorry that i’m not perfect: just barrel of mistakes
i'm sorry i disappointed you, your expectations were never met,
and that i can’t be what you wanted me to be,
and i'm sorry that i don’t even know what that is.

i'll always love you,
even if you can’t love me.
3.1 - Your Way

“It would have been better if you were never born.”

Loading...
I was looking back at all my poems and my journal entries, and well some are expressive and others are not I realised they all had one thing in common. They were ignorant. I was ignorant. I realised how selfish I was. I had friends I constantly pushed aside (One in particular, and I hope he knows who he is). I complained I had no friends, to my friends who were always there! Without a doubt, they would drop everything and be by my side, especially when I told them I didn't need them, but they knew better. And even if they were in a different country, and I was going though a particularly tough time, they would write me a poem.  Because that's all they could do at that point, and it was all I needed. I don't even know if I thanked him for that.
Some would message me and not even complain when I took weeks to reply because I was too busy wallowing and being too self-involved to pay attention to anyone else. I liked to act selfless and kind but it's about time I stepped off my high horse and took a good look at myself.

I feel like I have lost them and I feel like I have deserved to. They deserves better than me and I'm surprised they stuck around for so long. I don't want this to sound petty or pathetic or like I'm looking for sympathy, because I'm not. This is me swallowing my pride and admitting this was my fault. I did them wrong and I'm sorry.
  • Mood: Regretful
  • Drinking: Tuppa Tea

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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014   Writer
Happy birthday! <3
Reply
:iconlankadoodle:
Lankadoodle Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
Bit of a late reply, but thanks!
Reply
:icondevereux-hyde:
Devereux-Hyde Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Thanks for adding me, sweet!
Reply
:iconlankadoodle:
Lankadoodle Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
My pleasure! I always look forward to your work ^.^
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:iconunwanted-insanity:
Unwanted-Insanity Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
Thanks for the fav, hun!
Reply
:iconlankadoodle:
Lankadoodle Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
I absolutely love that photo...
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:iconunwanted-insanity:
Unwanted-Insanity Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
Hehe I used to be fairly photogenic back then xD
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:iconlankadoodle:
Lankadoodle Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
are beautiful
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(1 Reply)
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013   Writer
:hug: Just because! How are you doing? Happy [really] belated new years!
Reply
:iconlankadoodle:
Lankadoodle Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013
Naw... That's lovely ^.^ I'm ok thanks, things can be stressful but smilin none the less =D
How are you??

Happy belated new years!
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